


Southern Comfort

by 3DBABE1999



Category: Supernatural
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-05
Updated: 2014-05-05
Packaged: 2018-01-22 02:35:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 29
Words: 11,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1572995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3DBABE1999/pseuds/3DBABE1999
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Supernatural</p><p>AU(ish) of Season 8 Southern Comfort.. Oh and the 'Major Character Death' Warning from Above is only referring to flashbacks of major character deaths that have already happened (in Canon)  and the death of the 'bad guy' who I guess could have been considered as kind of a Major character by some people at one point</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILERS for Season 8 all the way up to Southern Comfort
> 
> This same story is also in my fanfiction dot net stories under the same pen name I use here 3DBABE1999

Garth was nervous. He had no idea how things had progressed this far between Sam and Dean and he didn't care to get on idea. All he wanted is for Dean to put down the gun and for both brothers to stop acting like lunatics. Especially Sam who happened to be at the business end of the gun Dean was wielding because the damn fool was gonna keep agging Dean on until Dean ended up putting a bullet in Sam. And YEAH Dean was doing PLENTY of agging Sam on of his own. But one of the common sense things in life is, or should be "Don't keep pissing off a lunatic who's pointing a loaded gun at you."

But apparently said lunatic's, lunatic little brother didn't get the common sense memo or he had, but he didn't give a rat's ass about living anymore with his own brother having the audacious cruelty to point a LOADED gun at him, so he'd thrown out that memo. Either way things were getting heated to an exploding point FAST as the two lunatics that Garth barely knew seemed intent on working each other up into a killing frenzy..


	2. Chapter 2

Sam was pissed. He felt he had every right to be Dean had yelled some really cruel things at him, things like:

"You left me to die for a girl!"

To which Sam had replied: "I didn't LEAVE YOU TO DIE DEAN! I thought you were already dead and that there was nothing I could do to bring you back! Cas was gone! I knew no demon was gonna deal with me, EVERYONE who could've helped me bring you back was either dead, wouldn't help me or wanted to kill me! There was NOTHING I could've done! So I fixed the Impala and just drove, I didn't go looking for what I ended up finding, finding what I had with Amelia just happened and I thought it was some sort of sign I thought it was something you would've wanted for me Dean! So I tried to live a life that I thought you would've wanted me to have, because you were gone and I couldn't bring you back. All I could do was live a life I thought would make you proud of me." By the time Sam had finished his anger had abated and he'd nearly been in tears


	3. Chapter 3

Apparently Sam's teary puppy dog eyes wouldn't phase Dean as easily as they once had as Dean rounded on Sam yelling:

"Oh yeah the way you just abandoned all your responsibilities the same way you always have makes SO PROUD!" Dean's voice was filled with pure venomously hateful sarcasm as he continued with "I'm SO VERY PROUD that YOUR FAMILY and YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES have NEVER ONCE been you first priorities and I'm sure everyone who's dead because you were SUCH A SELFISH BASTARD is PROUD of you to!"

Dean's words had cut Sam to his core and now Sam's tears couldn't be held back anymore as Dean continued shouting angrily "Of course no one should be surprised. You've been a selfish insubordinat screw up from day one! Countless deaths could've been avoided if you never even existed!" At that Sam's rage came exploding back with the sudden violent impact of his fist against Dean's jaw..


	4. Chapter 4

"Go ahead and hit me all you want Sam." Dean growled "It won't change the truth." With that Dean had plopped down on the hotel room couch and Garth had guided a still volatile Sam to the other side of the room.

Sam's breathing was so heavy that his angry exhaling could be heard being huffed out making him sound like a pissed bull and this made Dean look up with a cocky smirk as Dean bluntly replied "What? Let me guess. I hurt your feelings? Good! I hope it hurts! I hope it hurts as much as every time your abandoning your family for your selfish pursuit of something you don't even deserve hurt me, I hope it hurts as much as every thing your existence has ever cost hurt me and I hope you choke to death on that pain cause I'm done trying to save you, I'm done trying to be your family, I'm done being your brother Sam!"

"Well you know what Dean?!" Sam shouted back as he side stepped Garth and went to charge Dean. There was the click of a gun's slide locking into place and Dean stood pointing the gun at Sam..


	5. Chapter 5

"Do I have to shoot you to get my point across?" Dean asked with a sneer. "I told you I was done."

"I don't give a DAMN! You're going to hear what I have to say and I don't give a RAT'S ASS if you shoot me cause I don't have ANYTHING to live for anymore!"

"Oh don't be so dramatic." Dean replied with a scoff. "I'm sure you can find plenty to live for. After all this country's full of colleges and it's full of damaged, desperate women that might actually be happy to die pinned to a ceiling while burning alive for you."

"Go back to HELL you bastard!" Sam bellowed as he charged at Dean and shoved Dean against the wall "I hear they've got an opening for a Master at torture!"

"I'm gonna kill you! You little prick!" Dean snarled as he pressed the gun into Sam's Adam's apple...


	6. Chapter 6

"I can't believe sold my soul for some"THING" as worthless as you!" Dean venomously hissed Sam's anger fell away again as he whispered sounding mournful, regretful and apologetic "I never wanted you to sell your soul for me. I NEVER wanted you to go to Hell because of me. I wanted to save you from the deal. I knew you'd end up regretting selling your soul for a freak like me."

"Hit the nail on the head there Sam." Dean growled with obvious loathing in his voice.

Yet Sam continued on sounding so lost as he said "I tried to trade places with you. There wasn't anything I could do to get you back then either and I know it was a big disappointment to find out what I'd ended up becoming while you were burning in Hell for me."

"Well hey, you actually met dad's expectations for a change. I was the one that'd needed to be disillusioned. I'd needed to find out WHAT you'd ALWAYS been. You should've died instead of mom. So many lives would've been saved by the death of just one monster." Dean growled angrily.


	7. Chapter 7

"You have NO IDEA how many times I've wished to be the one to die instead of mom. I NEVER wanted for anyone to have to die because of me!" Sam's whisper was pleading, heart felt and full of remorse as he said "If I'd died that night. Hell" he gave a humorless half chuckle of momentary insanity "If I'd never been born, mom would never have died, Jessica would still be alive, dad would never have needed to sell his soul to save you, you could've had a childhood, you NEVER would've gone to Hell because of me, Ellen, Jo and Ash would probably still be alive and running The Roadhouse, Adam probably never would've never been born, but at least he would've never ended up eaten by a ghoul or drug into Lucifer's Cage.

Caleb, Pastor Jim, Rufus, Bobby, Cas. NONE OF THEM would be dead right now if I'd never existed. God Dean if I'd known that you would finally come to feel the same way I've been feeling for years I would've NEVER kept trying to find the will to live again after I'd lost you the first time."


	8. Chapter 8

"I should've ended myself a long time ago" Sam let out a sob "But I thought you would've wanted me to try to go on, so I didn't and here we are." Sam placed his hands around the hand Dean held the gun in and pressed the gun tighter to his neck as his hands encouraged Dean to squeeze harder on the trigger.

"Go on Dean, pull the trigger." A sinister voice hissed. "You kill evil monsters, He's always been an evil monster. He's a pathetic, WORTHLESS excuse of a brother and you know it. Think of all the times he's abandoned you. Of all the times he's disapointed you. He'll NEVER be good enough Dean, he'll NEVER be anything even close to what you want or need in a brother. We both know he's to selfish to care about you Dean. He's NEVER been worth all that you've lost because of him. Kill him Dean. Free yourself from him before his existence takes even more away from you."

Dean had no idea why he was thinking these things. WHY he'd said all those things to Sam and his heart was shattering at the look in Sam's eyes..


	9. Chapter 9

"No Sammy." Dean's mind pleaded as he saw the look in Sam's eyes. "Please don't believe that's how I really feel Please you have to believe that I've always cared about you. That I'll ALWAYS care about you."

"Why would he believe that Dean?" The sinister voice whispered "After all looking back on your past combined with these last few weeks that you've been back and I'd say that what we're doing now is par for the course of your hypocrisy. Sam has no reason not to believe that this isn't all you and nothing but you. I honestly couldn't have pulled this off so well if you hadn't fallen in line with the plan as easily as you did Dean. It's hilarious really cause you still don't know just how easily you were played back then. How you're still being played now and poor Sam he's caught on a few times and he's even tried to sway the game in your favor a couple of times, but I came along and put things right back on track. Well until you killed me."

Dean suddenly knew the voice. "Zachariah." his mind growled.


	10. Chapter 10

"Miss me Dean?" Zachariah quipped.

"How? I thought.. "

"That I needed your consent to ride around in your meat?" Zachariah interrupted "Yeah when I was just an angel those were the rules. BUT I'm not just an angel anymore."

"What does that mean? How did you become something else? How did you get in my head you BASTARD?!" Dean's mind shouted.

"A little trick of Eve's. You remember her right Dean? She says "Hi." by the way." Zachariah replied with a laugh as he forced Dean's finger to tighten on the trigger...

Sam had stood there trying to persuade Dean to squeeze harder on the trigger and was surprised to find resistance as he wondered why Dean was hesitating. Then his eyes went wide as he saw the viscous black goo dripping from Dean's ears and the realization of why Dean hadn't been entirely himself since having escaped from Purgatory hit him right before the sound of a gun going off filled the room...


	11. Chapter 11

"DAMN IT!" Zachariah roared as Sam moved away enough just in time to literally dodged a bullet. Well mostly the right side of Sam's neck had been grazed and the wound was bleeding profusely as Sam struggled to disarm Dean.

"Garth taser NOW!" Sam shouted.

Garth stumbled around to Sam's left to get inside his weapon bag while keeping an eye on Dean.. Garth pulled out his taser and aimed it at Dean.

"NO!" Sam shouted "Let me do it."

Garth tossed the taser to Sam "I'm so sorry Dean, for everything, really I am. If you're in there, please hold on. Please don't die on me while I zap that bastard out of you." Sam pleaded "I can't live if you die again because of me." With that Sam fired and Dean's body began to writhe...


	12. Chapter 12

Dean knew from past experience that being electrocuted hurt like a bitch. But being electrocuted while some soulless dick of an angel turned part harpie fought for control felt like there was a supernova exploding in his head while the heat and radiation of the collapsed cosmos roasted his skin and the freezing vaccum of space turned his lungs to petrified ice that wouldn't allow air in. Each jolt of electricity that hummed through him came bearing flashes of images. Some were from his memory and some were from Zachariah's memory...


	13. Chapter 13

*FLASH*

Zachariah was standing in a dark field watching a nearly twenty-five year old Sam try to talk to a teenage Dean.

"Dean am I dreaming?" Sam was asking "I remember this night." Sam had gasped as the fireworks started "It was the best Fourth of July ever." and Dean swore he could hear the tears of nostalgia and longing in Sam's voice as Zachariah grabbed Sam from behind and placed his palm to Sam's forehead making the scene shift until Sam was standing in the dining room where Dean had later found him in Heaven.

"Here we go." Zachariah sneered. "One of the many holidays your family abandoned you in favor of a hunt. One of the loneliest moments of your life. See Sam, even Heaven knows you don't deserve anything good."

Zachariah touched Sam's forehead again and Sam stumbled around a bit looking confused as he looked at the scene and said "Weird dream." then Sam sat at the table and Zachariah disappeared and the image changed...


	14. Chapter 14

*FLASH*

Dean watched as his past self stood behind Sam in a place present day Dean knew as the hospital their dad died in and all three of them stood and looked at Dean laying in a hospital bed with a breathing tube down his throat.

"This is when I was in the comma." Present day Dean gasped.

Present day Dean watched as past him and Sam stood in their dad's hospital room. Sam was thundering away at their dad shouting because their dad seemingly wasn't doing anything to try to help the Dean that lay in a comma. He watched Sam smile as the "Mystical Talking Board" proved to be a successful means of communicating the past Dean that was stuck between life and death. He watched as Sam yet again yelled at their dad and stormed off leaving past spectral Dean to shout some things of his own to a dad that couldn't hear him. He suddenly understood that Sam had fought valiantly for him while their dad had seemingly sat idly by as Dean lay dying. Now he knew why Sam was so angry at their dad just before their dad died..


	15. Chapter 15

*FLASH*

Zachariah was using Dean's voice to tell Sam that Sam was a vampire. A monster, a freak, that Dean was done trying to save. And Dean could see through Zachariah's eyes that by the look on Sam's face as he stood listening to the tampered with voicemail outside the convent in Illchester that Sam had believed everything was really being said and meant by his real big brother and suddenly Dean realized that Sam hadn't planned on leaving the convent alive.

*FLASH*

Zachariah watched as a drunk Sam stumbled to a crossroads and tried to make a deal and the crossroads demon told Sam his soul was worthless, that Sam's soul had been damned from his first breath. Zachariah looked to his right and said "You have until after the first Seal is broken to get Sam to where he will willingly break the last seal."

"How do you want me to that Zach?"

"Anyway you can Ruby, just make sure he's ready when it comes time."

"You better take care of things on your end."

"Don't worry I'll make sure Sam and Dean start growing apart."


	16. Chapter 16

Dean saw through Zachariah's eyes as a Sam that couldn't be much older than twenty-three (It was the hair) appeared at the side of a dark road and both present day Dean and Sam looked and saw a teenage Dean standing in the field from the "Best Fourth of July Ever" before Zachariah grabbed Sam growling "No you don't you freak. Your brother just sold his soul to bring you back."

"Sammy.. Oh god." Dean's mind cried as the electricity continued to surge through him. "Everything's all my fault. I ripped you out of Heaven cause I couldn't live alone then had the nerve to call you selfish. Oh god kiddo.. What have I done?"

"EVERYTHING we wanted you to do." Zachariah growled as he struggled to hold on. "Both of you did so did your mom and dad. It was almost too easy to easy play your family the way we did."

"You, Lillith, Ruby, Yellow Eyes. You were always in on this crap together. Weren't you?" Dean's mind hissed loathingly.

"We wanted Lucifer freed and humanity wiped off the planet." Zachariah snarled like an angry hellhound. "Then you and your brother screwed EVERYTHING up and now I'm going to get my revenge on you both! The bonus is that Sam got himself locked in Lucifer's dog bowl for nearly two hundred years and all of the torture he endured there is something that's gonna end up killing him here!"

"No Cas fixed it!" Dean roared.

"REALLY? Guess who let Sam out of the panic room."..


	17. Chapter 17

"Cas made mistakes but he's on our side. He's our friend you bastard!" Dean shouted.

"Oh so it's just coincidence that I died, went to Purgatory and Cas worked with Crowly behind your back to open Purgatory? Ever think he may have been doing things according to plan?"

"Let me spell it out for you Dean. Your brother came back from Hell and drug you back into hunting, you find out poor wittle Sammy has no soul which sends you on a crusade to rescue your baby brother from The Cage and that keeps you momentarily distracted from the fact that Cas has helped Eve escape Purgatory. Then Eve creates a fun new hybrid before you killed her, which ALMOST ruined things, but Cas ended up able to crack open Purgatory without her. Then Cas freed the Levithans, giving you and Sam a new big bad to fight all the while not knowing that once you killed that big bad that whoever wielded the weapon to kill him would get sucked into Purgatory. See Dean I needed a human host to carry me out, much like your pal Benny did."...


	18. Chapter 18

"So we were getting played all along?!" Dean bellowed "EVERYTHING that happened over the last three years was so we'd end up being used to free you from Purgatory?!"

"Bingo." Zachariah replied with a cocky tone. "But if it makes you feel any better, Cas really was your friend. Crowley just knew the right buttons to push to make Cas do exactly what we wanted. We played him the same way we played your family."

"Well there's a problem with your plan Zach." Dean said with an obvious air of defiance.

"What's that?" Zachariah asked with a laugh.

"Sam's about to kill you and when he does he and I are gonna get past these last few years. You're not gonna win Zach."

"Oh you're wrong Dean. If I die you die with me and in turn Sam will die cause he can't stand the thought of letting you go alone again. He can't stand the thought of you coming back disappointed in him again. He'd rather burn in Hell than feel the pain of your rejection again. I die, you die, he dies, I win. It's as simple as that."


	19. Chapter 19

"Yeah simple." Dean replied sarcastically. "Except it's gonna be "simple" for US this time around. You're gonna lose Zach. You're gonna go straight back to Purgatory and me and Sam are gonna be just fine."

"That's a laugh Dean cause even if you manage to survive Sam's never going to be just fine, my brothers made sure of it."

"Well Michael and Lucifer can kiss my ass cause I'll get my brother through whatever he has to deal with."

"Not Michael and Lucifer Dean. Michael actually tried to protect your brother from Lucifer's wrath while in The Cage but The Cage is as infinitely huge as the universe and it's Lucifer's domain. So Michael wasn't a very efficient protector there. No I'm talking about Lucifer and Azazel."

"How the hell was a demon your brother?"

"Cause he was an angel first. Then he was damned to Hell where he became a demon, angel hybrid. And here's a news flash for you. Sam still has his freak psychic powers, they've just been dormant, but they're going to come back with a vengeance."


	20. Chapter 20

"Sam's gonna be fine." Dean's mind panted from the exhaustion of the battle plus the electrocution. "I won't make the same mistakes as last time, I won't let the powers freak me out, I'll be supportive, I won't let myself be afraid of Sam this time around. We'll work together this time and we won't let anything pull us apart ever again."

"How touching." Zachariah said mockingly. "Except when the memories from The Cage start flooding Sam's mind making Sam not know the different between what's real and what's not causing the powers to surge out of control at any given moment. You'd have to end up killing Sam just to protect innocent people from the head case that he's gonna wind up being."

"Sam would never hurt innocent people even if he was confused about what's real."

"No he wouldn't hurt them on purpose. But say you and Sam are driving in that piece of crap car of yours and Sam has a flashback, causing Sam's powers to erupt uncontrollably and violently blowing up everything for miles except you and him."


	21. Chapter 21

"Hundreds could die." Zachariah said with an evil laugh. "And you'd have to kill Sam to keep it from happening again or Sam would kill himself to save you the trouble. Either way Sam dies and most likely goes to Hell again."

"We'll quit hunting and move to the middle of nowhere till Sam figures out how to control the powers. I won't let Sam die because of what's been done to him. Sam's suffered enough and I won't let him suffer alone anymore."

"What if he hurts you?"

"I'll take the pain and let him know it's not his fault."

"What if he kills you?"

"Then I'll be dead, but I'll make sure someone's there to help Sam through it. I won't let Sam blame himself for the crap you, Azazel and Lucifer have done to him anymore. I don't care what happens to me. I'll make sure Sam wins against everything you've stacked against him."


	22. Chapter 22

"Wow Dean. You sound so confident." Zachariah quipped "But you forget what just the memories of The Cage alone could do to him. After Sam starts to remember how Lucifer used some very horrific events from his childhood to torture him you're going to have to start hiding all the sharp objects and take away his shoelaces and when Sam remembers how Lucifer used yours and your father's images I don't think he'll be able to let you near him ever again."

"What are you saying? How do you know what happened to Sam in The Cage? What happened to my brother as a child? What did that BASTARD Lucifer do to my brother?!" Dean ranted.

*FLASH*

Dean saw through Zachariah's eyes as Zachariah sat near the edge of a pool of water. Dean knew Zachariah had to be in Purgatory as images appeared in the pool. Dean had heard of these gazing pools while there but had thought them a myth. Zachariah was watching as Sam was being tortured by Lucifer in The Cage...


	23. Chapter 23

Sam was tied hanging by his outstretched arms and he was being forced to relive the very real pain his own brother's words and actions had caused him.

Dean saying things like: "If I didn't know you I'd want to hunt you. You're a monster Sam. I don't think I can trust you anymore. I don't believe... in you. I mean I don't know whether it's gonna be demon blood or some other demon chick,or what, but I do know they're gonna find some way to turn you. .. You're angry, you're self righteous. Lucifer's gonna wear you to the prom man it's just a matter of time." Then there was the voicemail that Zachariah had tampered with and though Dean knew that the voicemail wasn't from him Sam hadn't known that, still didn't know that and apparently it did plenty to hurt Sam.

Dean doing things like throwing away the amulet Sam had given him and striking Sam right before Travis had called about the Rugaru.

Every time Sam relived those things a visible slice would appear in semblance of the way those words and actions had cut him.


	24. Chapter 24

*FLASH*

Sam was being held down by Dean as Dean screamed "YOU WANT DEMON BLOOD SO BAD SAMMY! TAKE A DRINK OF THIS!" And Dean's eyes turned black as he slit his wrist and forced the bleeding cut to Sam's mouth. And Sam pleaded: "No... Dean... I said I wouldn't...never again... Dean please...don't make me."

*FLASH*

Sam was strapped to a table naked. Arms extended to his sides and Dean still having black eyes was wielding a blade and using it to torture Sam saying things like: "You did this to me. I'm here because of you." And Sam screamed in bloody gurgles "DEAN...I'M SORRY...I'M SO SORRY I MADE YOU BECOME THIS AGAIN!"

"YOU RUINED MY LIFE! MY MOTHER AND FATHER DIED JUST BECAUSE YOU WERE BORN!" Dean yelled at Sam and Sam cried out "I'm sorry Dean!...Please I'm SO SORRY...You're right I should never have been born...I should have never existed!"


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A whole bunch of Chapters from the Original Posting combined... Here is where the WARNING for, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Underage and NonCon come in... It's all happening in Flashbacks

*FLASH*

Images of a young Sam that looked not much older than twelve sat alone in a booth of a busy restaurant that had arcade games and Dean recognized it as a Plucky Pennywhistle's Magical Menagerie. Sam looked sad, lonely and a little scared as he sat there. The restaurant looked like it'd be closing soon as there wasn't a lot of customers left.

"Hey kid?" called one of the clowns "Looks like your family ditched you again."

"No. My brother said he'd be here before closing time."

"He said that yesterday and the day before and the day before that to." The clown interrupted "Yet he never shows till twenty minutes after we close. I'm sorry kid but we can't keep letting you sit in here after hours."

"But it's dark outside. You can't leave me to stay out there on my own." Sam was pleading because he'd still been scared of the dark and Dean felt his heart shattering as he remembered ditching Sam to go trolling for girls and not returning to pick Sam up till after nearly everyone in the restaurant was gone.

"Kid. We're a restaurant not a daycare." The clown had replied. "Maybe this will teach your family not to abandon you."

"They didn't abandon me! They're coming back!" Sam shouted with tears in his eyes and Dean remembered the babysitter of the little girl who's dad had been killed by an "OctoVamp" talking about how a cruel child had told the little girl that her family didn't love her and Dean wondered how many times Sam had heard some kid in this place say something like that because apparently Sam was really upset, but not with just what the clown was saying right now, apparently Sam had heard some other things that had pushed him to the brink.

"Quit screaming at me you little brat!" The clown snapped "It's not my fault no one loves you."

"They love me. My family loves me." Sam said with a sob as he broke down.

"Then why are you always alone?" The clown asked with a sneer "Last I checked if a family loves a kid they actually care to be there for them."

"They're there for me! ALWAYS!" Sam cried in his family's defense. "They're just busy alot. Our life's complicated, but my family IS ALWAYS there for me." Sam's voice was barely a whisper. "Please don't make me stay outside in the dark by myself. I'll sit here and be quiet like always." Sam pleaded.

The clown looked sympathetic for a moment (But that could've been the face paint at work.) as he said "Okay kid. You can stay till your ride comes but tomorrow that ride better be here on time cause this is REALLY the last time."

"Don't worry tomorrow's my birthday. My brother swore he'd spend the whole day with me."

"Sure kid." The clown replied in obvious disbelief before asking "Your birthday huh? How old will you be?"

"Thirteen."

"Wow that's a big one! Well you've been coming here a few days so maybe me and a couple of friends will put together something special for you."  
*FLASH*

A now thirteen year old Sam was sitting ALONE once again as Plucky Pennywhistle's Magical Menagerie started to close and this time Sam's eyes were full of anger and panic as yet another promise had been broken."They forgot your birthday and still aren't here to pick you up on time. That's gotta suck." The same clown from the previous day said, but now he was accompanied by another clown who stood to his side giving Sam a hungry look, Sam just nodded without even looking up to see the look the second clown was giving him. It was a look that held a twisted perverted hunger and it told Dean all he needed to know. This was still Sam's Hell but also something that had happened for real and Dean didn't want to see what happened next.

*FLASH*

Thirteen year old Sam was being pinned by one clown on a cold, hard concrete floor of what Dean assumed was one of the restaurant's back rooms as the other clown pulled Sam's pants and underwear down before pulling out his erect manhood and forcing it into Sam.  
*FLASH*

A sobbing thirteen year old Sam laid curled holding his stomach and he was shaking violently as he tried to hold his cell phone."Dean I need you to come get me." Sam whined.

"Sam this better be good cause Tif here's a gymnast and she wants to show me her floor routine. If you know what I mean." A seventeen year old Dean remarked.

"Dean." Sam whispered "You promised. You promised and you're not here. You're never here." He cried.

"Tif what time is it?.. Shit Sammy I'm sorry kiddo." The seventeen year old Dean replied. "I'm on my way."

"Kay De." Sam wearily sighed "I need to tell you something." But Sam was talking to a dial tone cause the seventeen year old Dean had already hung up on him.

 

*FLASH*

A thirteen year old Sam was trying to tell a seventeen year old Dean what had happened but the seventeen year old Dean had kept interrupting him or flat out ignoring him making a thirteen year old Sam shut down. Later that night there father had come back in from the hunt looking haggard and Dean had ran out to get food from an all night diner for their exhausted father. Dean watched as Sam tried to tell their dad only to have their dad brush Sam off. Dean had forgotten how much that had used to happen. Sam's anger and resentment finally exploded out as Sam shrieked at their dad "I NEED YOU TO LISTEN TO ME!"

Their dad had shoved Sam against the wall and given Sam's face an open handed slap. "You will respect me!" Their dad had growled "I don't care if we did forget your birthday! It's not like it was important. Saving people from the monsters out there is more important than your selfishness."

"But people can be monsters too dad." Sam had cried as he held the cheek their dad had slapped and ran to bed.

Dean knew that three days later their dad had disappeared to go on another hunt and Sam had ran away to Flagstaff not long after and suddenly Dean felt like weaping as he realised that his little brother had just been a little boy and how Sam had must've felt so abandoned. ABANDONED. That was something Dean and their dad had thrown in Sam's face so many times.

"You left. You abandoned your family for college."

"You can't just abandon your family."

All the while calling Sam selfish.

"This hunt's more important than celebrating some holiday. You need to stop being selfish Sam."

"God!" Dean cried "We abandoned him! We let that happen to him, then let him suffer alone! We abandoned him then had the nerve to call him selfish and throw him just going to college in his face and call that ABANDONMENT! Oh god Sammy I'm so sorry!" Dean bawled as the image changed from a teary eyed, lonely, dejected looking Sam that was sitting alone on a bus to Flagstaff to a Sam that was strapped to a table in The Cage again.


	26. Chapter 26

*FLASH*

This time Sam was being forced to watch scenes of every death he felt responsible for. It was awful knowing just how responsible Sam had felt about the death of their mom, dad and younger brother. But it was heartbreaking for Dean to see how Sam had shattered nearly every time he'd had to watch Dean die, which, Dean soon realized he himself would've gone insane if he'd had to watch Sam die over a hundred times, live six months in an alternate reality where Sam was not only dead but also presumably burning in Hell because of him along with having to suffer through watching Sam getting ripped apart by Hellhounds and going four months knowing Sam was in Hell because of him and there was no way to get him back.

Dean realized if he hadn't ended up killing himself he wouldn't have just drank the demon blood. No he would've been crazy enough to devour the whole damn demon, he would've turned into something worse than Sam would've ever been. Sam really was stronger than him.

*FLASH*

Sam was being tortured but now it was his dad that did the carving and John was yelling.

"I ALWAYS HATED YOU! You KILLED my wife! You stole your brother's childhood! You ruined all of our lives! I should've killed you the day you were born! I'm in Hell because of you!"

"I'm sorry dad." Sam cried.

"Not as sorry as you're gonna be!" With that John began ripping the flesh off Sam's bones strip by strip.

*FLASH*

Sam was hanging from meat hooks as various rapist came into view. Now Lucifer was using the images of Sam's father and older brother in the worst possible way...

"And that ALL happened before he'd been there a whole hour here on Earth. That means ALL those things happened to BOTH his soul and his body." Zachariah said with an evil laugh "You should ask him how good it felt when Lucifer's images of you and your father raped him at the same time. Cause that one was HILARIOUS to see and I always wanted to hear a first hand account of how much it hurt for him to be ripped apart from the inside like that by images of his own family!"  
"You're dead you BASTARD!" Dean screamed as he fought even harder against Zachariah. Now Dean could hear voices from the outside world.

"Sam you're losing to much blood. ou need to take care of that gunshot wound." It was Garth's worried voice breaking through followed by Sam's.

"No not till I have my brother back!" Sam growled.

"Sam's bleeding. You shot my baby brother!" Dean roared.

"Aww.. I hope he doesn't die trying to save your life after all this cause that would just break my heart." Zachariah replied with mocking sarcasm. "Course it would be a good switch from all the times you've sacrificed yourself for him. You'd be left to wonder the world alone just like it would've been after Cold Oak if you hadn't ripped Sam's soul out of Heaven. Except this time your poor little Sammy's gonna go to Hell after he dies thinking you hate him. It's to perfect!"

"NO!" Dean screamed. "I won't let him die! We're gonna beat you, you BASTARD!"


	27. Chapter 27

"You might manage to beat me. But I saw how bad Sam's wound looked before he tased us." An image of Sam bleeding from a missing chunk of his neck that was close to both the Carotid Artery and Jugular Vein on Sam's right side. "We both know that he doesn't have long, even if you stop the bleeding, it's probably already to late to save him." Zachariah hissed menacingly.

"Dean had been to busy doing the math on how long it would take for Sam to bleed out to really feel the force of Zachariah's words.. Well that was till he realized that if he didn't kick Zachariah's ass like YESTERDAY then Zachariah would be right. Sam would've lost too much blood to survive the ordeal and Dean wasn't going to let Sam die for him or blame himself for if he died so the only option was to kick Zachariah's ass RIGHT NOW.

With renewed vigor Dean probed around his mind trying to prod at anything that would force the "King Dick of dicks" out of his head for good...

It was REALLY painful as Dean felt the full effects of the electricity and he knew by the pain in his back that his Kidneys were getting fried.

"I hope the hospital'll have at least one set of AB Positive Kidneys to go cause me and Sammy might both end up needing them." Dean's mind quipped as his confidence grew. He swore that this time he and his little brother would go together, but since he didn't plan on letting his Sammy die any time soon.. Well that meant he wasn't going nowhere for awhile then to.. There was no way in Hell he was letting either himself or Sam get out of this thing without the world's biggest Winchester style "BEST EVER Chick-Flick Moment of ALL TIME"..

Dean finally figured out that the more he focused on his own good memories and the less he allowed himself to be effected by ANYTHING he might see or hear from Zachariah's mind, the more he gained the upper hand on that prick Zachariah.

Dean let his mind fill with all the good things in his life as he remembered playing practical jokes on his kid brother and giving that same kid brother a warm embrace after some of the most difficult moments in their existences. He let himself envision a future without a life of hunting monsters, the world could burn for all he cared, screw the "Word of GOD" tablets and the closing of the gates of Hell. The gates of Hell had been open this long and the world was still turning and most likely the world would still be turning tomorrow and the day after, and the day after that and so on and Dean suddenly no longer gave a crap about when the world might decide to stop turning. Sam had been right, people do die everyday but him and Sam WEREN'T dying today or any time soon...

Dean fought even harder because he couldn't wait to see the look on his Sammy's face as he announced he was packing them up, moving them to the middle of nowhere and they were going to give up the life of hunting and that after today the Winchesters were going to officially retire.

"Sammy will probably think he fried me to long." Dean allowed his mind to joke as it seemed his good humor helped keep Zachariah against the ropes.

As hard as Dean was fighting Zachariah wouldn't budge any further than Dean had managed to push him and now Dean was getting desperate as this needed to end for both his sake and Sam's.

A surge of adrenaline coursed through him as an idea formed in Dean's mind. Dean fought his way up and charged for the bathroom.

He heard Garth ask "What the Hell is it doing?" and Sam weakly responding "I think it's Dean, he's trying to give us a better chance." as Dean filled the tub with water, plunged in and submerged his head to allow the electricity more of his whole body to work with...


	28. Chapter 28

The electricity instantly ceased as Sam bellowed in a quickly weakening voice "Dean this is insane. There's no way in Hell I'm doing this. Your heart will explode!"

"Sammy you have to." Dean grunted as he lay submerged in the tub. It was like their father being possessed by Yellow Eyes all over again. "Sammy this is the only way to get this bastard out of my head! "

"Do it NOW!" Dean screamed as he felt Zachariah fighting to the surface. "Now Sammy, trust me it's the only way!"

"Okay." He heard Sam whisper "But I'm only going to use the lowest setting."

"No the highest would be better." Garth said.

"That will kill him!" Sam growled.

"No listen." Garth replied sounding ready to run from a murderous Sam. "Drop a plugged in toaster in a tub full of water, it'll kill the person inside for sure. But strike that tub full of water with lightning and the person inside MIGHT survive." Apparently Sam was confused by what Garth was saying so Garth explained "One quick surge of a higher voltage gives Dean a better chance.

"I know it sounds weird. But it's one of those things that can't easily be explained with the time constraint. You're gonna have to trust me Sam." Garth implored.

"Fine." Sam growled "But if my brother dies because of this there won't be a place you can run to fast enough to keep me from ripping your lungs out of your ass."

"Nice one Sammy." Dean thought as it felt really good to hear the fierce protectiveness in his little brother's voice.

"Okay Dean. I'm recharging the taser to the highest setting. Please hold on cause if you die we both there won't be a way to bring you back this time and I'm not going on without you again." Sam's voice sounded weak and remorseful.

Dean heard Sam's message loud and clear. Just like he'd known all along, if he died tonight Sam would follow right behind him.

Dean nodded and he braced himself. The next thing he knew was everything went white as the pain from before intisified a million fold. He felt something inside his head snap and he prayed it wasn't blood vessels bursting.

The electricity stopped and Dean felt something gelatinous and disgusting pour from his right ear. "Oh that's SO GROSS!" Dean thought with a shudder as he sat up to see a dead black slug like creature floating in the tub.

"Did it work?" Sam asked as he crept cautiously over to peer into the tub.

"Yeah it worked." Dean replied sounding exhausted "Now let me and Garth patch you up before you bleed to death you moron, cause I didn't survive "The invasion of the harpie" just to watch you die."

"What is it with you and harpies?" Sam joked "I thought you'd named them Jefferson Starships."

"Well that bastard was something else." Dean replied as he got out of the tub letting his drenched clothes to drip all over the floor as he guided Sam to one of the beds and grabbed the first aid kit.

After cleaning Sam's wound and stitching it up Dean took in the deathly pale visage of his little brother and started setting up to give his Sammy a pint of his own blood.

Sam knew what Dean was doing and huffed out a humorless laugh as he said "Dean you were just electrocuted, you almost died. I don't think transfusing me with your own blood's such a good idea."

"Well I think you should shut up and get some rest cause in the morning we're going to have a nice long talk about the stuff that was said tonight."

Sam looked dejected as he said "Look Dean, if you still hate me I get it. I won't stay if you don't want me around anymore." Dean could feel how upset Sam was by the way his kid brother was shaking and Sam's kicked puppy look was breaking his heart as Sam struggled to get out of bed.

"Whoa, easy there tiger." Dean replied as he pushed Sam back down "I said you need to rest. We both do, so we'll talk about EVERYTHING in the morning. Kay?"

"Okay Dean." Sam answered sounding sad.

"God kid, you're killing me." Dean thought mournfully. His baby brother still believed that Zachariah's words were really things his big brother had sincerely meant and it was killing Dean to see the pain and resignation in HIS Sammy's eyes. "Looks like we're having at least part of tomorrow's talk tonight." Dean muttered as he sat in front of Sam.

"Okay Sam I need you to hear at least this before you fall asleep and let that emo brain of yours take you down some dark alleys that you have no business visiting. About what you've done over the year I went away.."

"I get it Dean, you're stil pissed, just cause you saved my life and are letting me stay tonight doesn't mean you won't kill me or kick me out come morning." Sam interrupted.

"No Sam. You're not going anywhere without me ever again. What you did, I wanted to say that I'm glad you got to have whatever you had with Amelia and I'm proud of how strong you had to be to keep going on even after everything. I'm proud of how you tried to live Sammy."

Sam let out a heavy breath of relief as he said "Really? You're NOT pissed? Dean you were gone a year and I didn't even.."

"You thought I was dead and even if you had known I was alive and had known exactly where I was there still wasn't anything you could've done kiddo. Sammy I'm not mad about anything that you did or didn't do over the year and if I was then I wouldn't have a right to be."

"Christo." Sam whispered sounding shocked by the three-sixty in Dean's attitude and behavior.

"Not possessed Sammy." Dean replied with a grin.

"But I ditched my responsibilities, Kevin was alone, people died because I was selfish." Sam stated looking guilty apparently Zachariah's behavior had really cut Sam to the bone.

"People die Sammy. They get hit by lightning, eaten by sharks, hit by drunk drivers, shot in holdups and as far as Kevin goes the kid did okay on his own and will probably keep doing okay on his own, he does have his mom to protect after all. You took care of the ONLY responsibilities that matter to me."

"Oh yeah what'd I take care of?" Sam asked as a hint of a smile touched his eyes.

"You fixed up my baby and you didn't douche her up and you kept yourself alive. You did good Sammy, real good. Now sleep kiddo cause in the morning I'm gonna tell you something that's probably gonna make the universe implode on itself." Dean replied with a chuckle as he tucked his thirty year old brother into bed like the kid was younger than eight all over again.

The End...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be an Epilouge


	29. Chapter 29

Dean watched as Sam twitched in his sleep and knew the kid was having nightmares, whether they were about The Cage or tonight's debacle he didn't know.. GOD he could NOT believe he'd actually said that over the course of the year that Benny had been more of brother than Sam had ever been (although Dean had to be told by Garth about it cause Zachariah had done this one without Dean knowing about it at all) along with having harped on Sam for finding the will to just keep living.. Of course those actions were Zachariah's but Sam had believed them and he'd had good reason to, after all Sam had seen a lot of Dean being a hypocritical jackass with NOTHING supernatural to blame.. Unless one counts the fact that both angels and demons had worked in tandem to orchestrate just about EVERYTHING in his and Sam's lives, which of course Dean didn't because he felt to guilty for having allowed himself to get played in the first place.

Dean didn't even know how to broach the subject that the "Harpie", "Jefferson Starship", Whatever Zachariah would've been called or counted as, had shown him some deeply personal and troubling things about what Sam had gone through in both life and in The Cage, let alone how to tell Sam that the powers might start coming back and that they could possibly become volatile when they did start showing up again.

All Dean knew was to take one thing at a time. FIRST with no more secrets. He was going to get Sam to open up about what had happened to him as a child because he couldn't believe that Sam had, had to deal with something so horrible on his own. But not anymore, Sam's big brother was back and he wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

After a good long talk about EVERYTHING, Dean was gonna pack up his baby brother and they were gonna tell the world to kiss their asses because they were going to be officially retired after today and he was going to give his baby brother the life he deserved, a life away from demons and monsters..

And so what if Sam's powers came back.. They could finally win it big at Vegas or something, but nothing supernatural was going to threaten HIS Sammy ever again. Not if it knew what was good for it, that is.

Sam stirred and whimpered pulling Dean from his thoughts.

Dean moved to the bed, laid behind his brother and shot a glare at Garth that threatened a painful death if Garth ever told a soul about what he was witnessing and Garth passed his fingers in front of his lips pretending to "Zip" them closed and Dean felt a little more endeared to the little nerdy dude with that simple act.

As the sun peaked over the horizon Garth told Dean that he'd go get breakfast but Dean knew that Garth was just finding the best way to give Dean some alone time with Sam.

Sam started to wake up and Dean gave him a playful nudge to rouse him the rest of the way and Sam stammered awake with "D..D..Dean? Wha .. Wha.." as he realized with a shock that there was a warm and solid weight behind him on the bed. Dean hadn't cuddled up to Sam like that since Sam a month before he'd had to tell Sam the truth about what their dad did when he disappeared and the last time it'd happened was because Sam had been really sick.

Dean chuckled lightly at Sam's confusion.. "Well Sammy." Dean thought "Best get used to the new more cuddly me. Because there's more cuddling where this came from in store for your future kiddo." and then he wrapped his arm around Sam's torso.

"Dean?" Sam asked more clearly and now his voice sounded worried "Are you alright?"

"You almost bled to death and you ask me if I'm alright." Dean huffed "Kid we really need to talk about your priorities."

"Dean I'm really sorry. I understand if you're still mad." Sam stated sounding disappointed.

"Ooops." Dean thought as he realized how he'd just sounded to Sam. "No Sam.. What I meant is.. Look kiddo.. From now on your only priority is to make sure you're okay. I'll be okay if you're okay."

"I'm okay." Sam replied dutifully.

"No. Sam you're not. Not by a long shot and there are some things we need to talk about. That YOU need to talk about. So that I can help you heal."

"Did I tase you for too long?" Sam asked with half a laugh. But then he took on a more serious, worried tone as he asked "Really Dean.. Are you alright?.. I mean you're acting kind of strange."

"I'm fine Sammy. No you did not tase me too long. No I'm not possessed. I'm just back Sammy. Your big brother is back."

Dean could hear Sam choke back a sob at having heard Dean declare that "Sammy's" big brother was back. Because Sam knew that meant that the Dean who cared about him was back.

"Let it out kid. It's okay to cry," Dean said reassuringly.

"I did tase you for too long." Sam said jokingly with a watery chuckle.

"Did not."

"Did so and I must've fried your brain cells."

"I'm fine kiddo."

"But I should be concerned.. It's not like you had many brain cells to spare." Sam joked.

"Oh is that so kid?" Dean replied as an evil grin formed on his face "I happen to have enough brain cells left to know where ALL My baby brother's ticklish spots are."

"You wouldn't."

"I would."

"Dean I'm almost thirty years old!" Sam nearly shrieked as Dean tickled Sam's ribs lightly to prove a point.

"Never gonna be too old baby bro." Dean teased as Sam tried to squirm away.

Sam was laughing now.. REALLY laughing and it'd been so long since Dean had seen HIS Sammy genuinely smile let alone genuinely laugh that he relished Sam's moment of being just Sammy again and not a damaged soul that had literally been through Hell and back.

Seeing Sam laughing, having this moment almost broke Dean's heart anew because of the serious nature of the talk that they were eventually going to HAVE to have.. But not right now.. Because right now they were just Sam and Dean, they were finally being just brothers again and nothing was going to come between that. Well except maybe breakfast...

~0~

Garth arrived just in time to hear struggling on the other side of the door to the hotel room and he thought "Not again.. I leave for twenty minutes and they're already trying to kill each other.".. But he opens the door to fine Sam giggling like a girl and Dean tickling Sam breathless.

"Okay." Garth thought "Awkward." and then he shut the door again with himself still on the outside of the room so as not to intrude on the brotherly moment as he tried to balance three overfull Styrofoam containers of food in one hand and fish out his car keys again with the other.

He was just gonna sit in the car with the food for a while because apparently the Winchesters were just to much of a big ball of crazy and weird for even him to try and understand and that was saying something.

Garth was listening to his headphones when his phone vibrated in his pocket "Dude. Where's the food?" Dean's text was asking. Okay, NOW, it was safe to go back inside. He knew better than to bring up what he'd seen. No matter how innocent and playful (and ADORABLE, when Garth really thought about it) it had seemed because he had no doubts that Dean would kill him before he'd ever admit to being such a big softy.

One second the brothers had been at each other's throats, the next second one brother was nearly bleeding to death while another had been electrocuted within an inch of his life and now they were sitting together on the hotel room sofa watching the freaking "The Fox and The Hound.".. And they were acting as if last night and the past year hadn't even happened. "Apparently that's what it must be like to have a brother." Garth thought with a grin.

"No." Garth heard Bobby's voice say. "Just a brother like Sam or Dean."..

Later that evening Garth bid Sam and Dean goodbye and he felt sad to hear that Sam and Dean were leaving hunting behind.. Those two had done a lot of good in the world. But there was Bobby's voice in his head again telling him that Sam and Dean have sacrificed enough and that they should get to live their own lives now.

"Yep.. EXACTLY something that Bobby would say." Garth thought as he drove off into the new sunset.

MEANWHILE...

Dean packed the last of his clothes and gear into his duffle.

"Well Sammy. Pick a place. Any place." Dean said as he zipped his duffle and started working on Sam's "Just as long as it's secluded enough for you to figure out these new powers that you might be getting."

"I still can't believe that thing was really Zachariah. What if he was lying just to get to you?" Sam asked from his station on the couch because Dean glared at him every time he tried to stand up.

"Trust me. I know he was telling the truth Sammy." Dean replied "And your powers aren't the only things he told me about."

"Let me guess. I'm destined to go darkside?.. AGAIN.." Sam said bitterly "Why am I always the one with some freaky evil destiny hanging over my head."

"Nope kiddo. He never said anything about you being evil.. In fact he gave me a lot of proof that says you weren't ever at fault for some of the worst things you did. Like freeing Lucifer from The Cage."

Sam cringed at the memory as Dean continued with "Zachariah was working with Lillith and Ruby to ensure you did what they wanted and when you started to detour from that Zachariah did something to help push you over the edge. Listen Sammy"...

"The night I found you in that hotel suite with Ruby I said some things.. I.. I called you a monster." Dean whispered with tears in his eyes. "I.. NEVER.. Should have said that.. I didn't mean it I swear and I can never say I'm sorry enough for having said that.. But that voicemail you heard that night outside the convent in Illchester right before you killed Lillith."

"That wasn't me Sammy.. I NEVER said that stuff.. Zachariah altered the voicemail and yeah.. I know it was him, just like I know you weren't planning on leaving the convent alive that night."..

"I did call that night.. But it was to tell you that we were brothers no matter what and that I was sorry.. I also mentioned owing you a beat down.".. Dean gave a watery, halfhearted chuckle at that before he continued with "But I didn't realize that I had already been beating you down enough throughout your life with all of the things that I've done to hurt you over the years."

"Dean.. What happened that night isn't your fault.. I'm the one who let myself get played."

"But that's just it Sam.. I was played too.. Zachariah.. Ruby and Lillith.. They and who knows how many others were working to form wedges between us and even when it was so blatantly obvious that it was right there in my face, now that I look back on it, I still didn't see it."..

"Sammy".. Dean cried "I'm sorry that I didn't see what they were doing to us sooner. I am so, so sorry."

"Dean.. It's not your fault."

"But it was never your fault either Sam.. And I can't get past how badly that I know I hurt you when I let you feel like you were to blame.. Especially knowing what I know now."..

"I know now that I have said and done things that really hurt you and it hasn't been just since Stanford either."..

"All the times either dad or I called you selfish it was us who were selfish. How all the times either dad or I would make you feel like you weren't good enough.. We weren't seeing the wonderful person that's always been more than good enough just because you were you and we shouldn't have wanted you to be anything else than the great person that you were.. That you still are in spite of everything."

"All the times that either dad or I accused you of abandoning your family that it was us who had really abandoned you.".. Dean said with a sob.

"Dean.. Yeah we fought and we ALL said and did things to hurt each other.. But me and dad fought because that's what hardheaded fathers do with equally hardheaded teenage sons.. We fought so much because we loved each other and we were constantly scared for each other or one of us was mad because the other wouldn't listen... It's the EXACT same reasons you and I have had our fights.. BUT.. Neither you nor dad EVER abandoned me.. Even when I was at my worst you didn't abandon me."

"Yes I did.. Both dad and I did.".. Dean cried "And it was more than once.. It's another one of those things I can only look back on in hindsight now and after all the things Zachariah showed me.. I'm amazed that you forgave us for failing you like that all and I'm grateful that you did it more than once."

"Dean I have no idea what you're talking about. You were always there for me growing up. We didn't start to grow apart until after you caught me in all my lies about Ruby.. And with dad.. Yeah he was gone a lot.. But he was still there and he and I didn't start fighting all the time until after I.."

"Ran away to Flagstaff?" Dean interrupted.

Sam visibly paled which told Dean everything he needed to know. What Zachariah had shown him was REAL but he needed for Sam to say it out loud.

Sam deserved to get to be able to have someone listen to him for a change..

Even if it was nearly seventeen years to late to do anything but give Sam the ability to actually let it all out...

But Sam wasn't making it easy because Sam just shrugged like he thought he could still keep the reasons he'd run away to Flagstaff a secret and said "Yeah.. It was a pretty stupid stunt of me to pull. It's no wonder that dad thought he couldn't trust me after that. And thus our headbutting began."

"Do you even listen to yourself Sammy?" Dean asked sounding a little angry.

"You stand there and talk about how it's no wonder that dad felt he couldn't trust you after that."

Dean gave a little sad laugh over how screwed up Sam's life had been and how in spite of it all, Sam had still turned out to be the kind and good man that was currently standing in front of him.

"He never even asked you WHY you ran away. Did he?.. And neither did I."

"It didn't matter."

"DON'T SAY THAT!" Dean bellowed and Sam shrank back making Dean feel like the lowest form of scum for eliciting such a reaction from Sam. "It mattered!.. Sam.. You mattered and you should have been OUR FIRST priority!.. God Sammy!" Dean was sobbing again "When I think about what those monsters did to you and the fact that you had to deal with it all alone because I ignored you and." DAD." Dean growled "He ignored you.. He HIT you!" Dean was shaking with rage.

Sam was even paler now as he backed away from Dean and further into the back of the couch like a frightened animal "How?" Sam cried in a whisper.

"That bastard Zachariah showed me some of the things that happened to you in The Cage.. And I knew when he got to that part.. That it was something that had happened to you for real.. When you were just a kid.. Jesus Sammy.. You were just a little kid." Dean was full out crying now and Sam was crying as well but he also looked like he might be sick any second now that Dean not only knew about what had happened to him as a child but some of the things that had happened to him in The Cage as well.

Sam drew in a shaky breath, calmed himself and said "It was a long time ago Dean.. I'm okay now. And it wasn't your fault or dad's. Neither of you knew that was going to happen."

"But we could have listened and we didn't.. Sam. I spent so much time feeling bitter and resentful because I felt you abandoned me and dad and WE were the ones that abandoned you. And dad.. He knew what he'd done was wrong but he still acted as if you were the one that had hurt him."

"Dad did the best he could Dean."

"Don't defend him!.. DON'T YOU DARE!" Dean growled "He was YOUR FATHER Sam!.. He could've at least acted like one when you needed him the most!"

"Dean please.. Please don't talk about dad like that." Sam was sobbing so hard that his body was shaking from head to toe like he he was cold and he instinctively brought his knees to his chest and curled into the corner of the arm and back of the couch that was furthest from Dean "I couldn't bear it if you hated him because of me. Please.. I've made you lose everything so many times Dean.. I don't want to be the one that takes away the love you have for dad to. My existence has robbed you of enough PLEASE don't let me be the one to take away your hero."

"Sam." Dean whispered soothingly as he realized that Sam had started rocking frantically back and forth. Sam only had done that as a young child and he'd only done it during the very rare times that he was REALLY scared and upset.

"Sammy." Dean whispered again as he reached out for Sam. Sam flinched breaking Dean's heart as Sam recoiled from the extended hand as if it were the world's most lethal viper. Dean crouched in the floor in front of Sam.

"Sammy please." Dean begged as he reached for Sam again. This time he made contact and Sam whimpered, which turned Dean's already broken heart into splinters, then beat those splinters into a mashed pulp.. Even though he understood that Sam's reactions were because Sam had been conditioned in The Cage to associate someone else's anger with his own pain and too many memories had been dredged up for Sam to not be feeling vulnerable and scared like he had been made to feel there.. But Dean held him firmly, pulled Sam into the floor with him and drew him against his chest and started stroking the side of Sam's face. Whispering soothingly as he did so.

"I won't stop loving dad. I can't.. No matter how pissed at him I am.. And if he were here I'd probably break a few of his bones for doing that to you. But I don't hate him. And if I did. It wouldn't be because of you. It'd be because of him and what he did."

"And your existence didn't rob me of anything.. Your existence GAVE me the most important thing I'll ever have. I love you Sammy. And I never want you to think any different kiddo."

Sam was shocked out of his episode by Dean saying the three words they NEVER said to each other unless the one saying it drunk or drugged or saying it to the other who either in a coma or was already dead and couldn't hear.

"I love you too Dean." Sam said as his tears came back with a vengeance.

A nearly thirty year old man that was over six feet tall and nothing but muscle, sitting in the floor sobbing into his shorter yet older brother's chest like a little kid and the shorter yet older brother clinging to his giant of a little brother for dear life and crying just as hard if not harder... May seem odd or even comical to some, but for those people to whom that scene may seem odd or comical they didn't have a life like Sam's or Dean's and they didn't have a brother like either of them either... And as the phone on the nightstand rang breaking the moment and signalling that it was time to checkout of the hotel room before the hotel management came snooping, Dean pulled himself and Sam to a stand. And in unison the brothers wiped their eyes with the backs of their hands and then wiped their hands against the tear soaked fabric of their own shirts before sharing a watery smile and then another heartfelt embrace as Dean said "So where you wanna go Sammy?"...

"I hear the Rocky Mountains have some great cabins that are out in the middle of nowhere." Sam said with a shaky laugh.

~0~

"Hey Dean?" Sam said as they put their duffles into the trunk of the Impala.

"Yeah Sammy."

"Now that my big brother is back.. There's something I want him to have." Sam replied as he reached into a box that hadn't ever left the trunk of the Impala since being put in there almost nine years ago. It contained pictures that had once been left in their old home in Lawrence, Kansas after the fire but the woman who'd moved into that house almost nine years ago had been kind enough to make sure they'd gotten them back and Dean was confused as to what Sam was pulling from the box when neither of them had even touched it for years.

Sam took a deep breath he had his fist curled around something and he looked at Dean with the biggest puppy dog eyes he'd ever given as he handed over an obviously small item wrapped in crumpled up newspaper.

As Dean pulled back the paper and seen The Amulet he'd thrown away almost five years ago laying inside he cried quite possibly the hardest he ever had in all his life including the tears he'd shed earlier.. Because this gift meant Sam forgave him for EVERYTHING and that Sam trusted him and loved him and so much more.. It meant EVERYTHING and more to Dean and as he lifted the leather strap to hang it back where it belonged and would never leave again Sam reached out a hand and halted him saying "WAIT!.. Before you put it on there's something I need to get off my chest then it's a clean slate okay?"

"Leave it to Sam to make sure he get's everything out before letting us start over." Dean thought with a grin as he said "Okay kiddo."

"You know.. You were a real jerk when you threw this away."

"Well you were a real bitch for letting it ever leave my hand." Dean replied as placed the strap of The Amulet over his head then he touched the space on his chest where the charm rested and said "Been feeling like there was something missing here." And both brothers knew that Dean had meant more than just The Amulet.

THE END


End file.
